For me, the spiritual world is actually the real world. It is everywhere, around us.

My definition of "awakening" (besides the vampiric awakening) is as follows: someone who awakens opens one's spiritual eyes, and has a larger perspective and vision of the world. This larger vision includes lots of things and abilities: I get awakened, I heighten my soul, and I open the memory of the spirit. In this memory is included the memory of other lives. It is a door you have opened, naturally, without forcing it. Everything is written in your subconscious. Everything is linked. In the spiritual world the senses are all together, harmonically mixed (see "synesthesia", a good example of this hidden spiritual memory), and so are the dimensions, and the time. There is not the same notion of time. Time is eternity, past, present, future, all in the same “time”. It is difficult to imagine such a notion; it would be like trying to imagine the dimension of the Universe.

I would compare time to an ocean. When one is in the ocean, swimming, like most of the people, one is involved in time, sees the time/ocean pass. The past is behind, the present is in his/her arms, and the close future is visible, but one can never guess what can happen in one hour. This is how we perceive and experience the time when we are not awakened. Now, someone awakened is above the ocean, very high above. This person sees the entire ocean, i.e. the past, the present and the future, not only of his/her self, but also of the entire collective memory. S/he can guess the depth of the ocean, but there are no notions such as past, present and future. Everything is one. Remember: “I heighten my soul (I fly)” and have a larger vision of the world. Experience and perception are the same in this wider perspective.

Of course, I don’t constantly experience/perceive time like that. I would be nuts. I am aware of the nature of time, and I experience the larger vision when I shift my state of mind, achieving an altered, larger vision of the universe.

Time is relative, said Einstein. He was the first to perceive and try to demonstrate the relativity of time. He said that time is another dimension, curved in the space, different for everyone even if measurable. Einstein was highly awakened, actually, and his observations are very interesting; one can learn a lot from him. Did you ever experience “strange” things, like for example an unexplainable alteration of time? It did happen to me. How many times I have the feeling that five minutes have past, and when I check the clock, three hours have past? Or the inverse: sometimes I get the impression that at least two hours have past, I really feel this, and when I check, only three minutes have past. It happens all the time, especially since I have come to the conscience of my awareness.
I’ll give another interesting example regarding time. Most of the stars we see in the sky are maybe dead for a very long time. So why do we see them? Because they are/were so far away in the space, milliards and milliards light years, that while their light was travelling to us, they had time to disappear.

It gave me an idea. Imagine a powerful telescope, able to travel incredibly fast in space – able to almost instantaneously arrive at its destination, getting far away enough from the earth. This telescope watches the earth. It stops at a certain distance: 30 light years. It is far away enough to receive the light from the earth, but a 30 years old light. The telescope would “see” how the earth was 30 years ago. Now, it travels another 2000 light years. Our telescope would see the earth 2000 years ago. And so on, until the dinosaurs, and why not? Until the beginning of the universe. It shows how much time is relative.

We are all spirits. But our body is our school for souls, and our brain is the guardian. The guardian of what? The brain is a filter, keeping hidden lots of information about the spiritual nature of a human. See, if an unawakened human being would remember every event in his life as a disincarnated spirit, or every event from his other incarnated lives, he would become instantly nuts. These things get revealed to someone who is ready to “see”, I mean really see with the spirit eyes.

Why have we, spirits, been incarnated?
First, here are some of my insights. Imagine this: we are able to travel into, for example, a stone (I say a stone, but it could be a plant, a leave, a fork, a crayon, etc.). I mean, really travel into the stone, into its molecular structure. What would we see? Molecules, which are galaxies. The stone would be a universe, a huge universe, perceived as unlimited for the inhabitants of the galaxies. Now, let’s see what’s in the molecules/galaxies. Suns, solar systems. A planet. People on this planet. And stones. And now, let’s go out of this cosmos/stone. Maybe we, here, on this earth, are a part of a molecule of a stone which is in another world? Maybe there are many universes encased all together, and this would actually be the explanation for parallel worlds? And probably, a second in another world means milliards and milliards years in another world.

Now, what is the Big Bang? It could be an accident. Someone, in another dimension maybe lit a fire on a piece of wood, in which we were, but only as spirits, because of the distance of the molecules, which were too far away from each other to be galaxies, we were living in a kind of immaterial space. Maybe there were planets, made of gas, on which it was not possible to live as material beings. But this sudden fire, in our dimension, provoked a huge disruption and an incredible warming up of the world, and it created a dense matter. The earth was born. Matter calls matter: we could no more exist only as spirits. Why? Maybe we were tempted by such a nice planet, which looked so good, and so liveable. Milliards years later, which is nothing in comparison to our immortal souls (see my theories of time), we got incarnated in our first human shells. We could not live our life on earth as spirits. Other souls said “Okay, you want to live on earth, incarnated in matter, but you will have to pay a price: it will be difficult to be a human, you will die, and you will forget all your knowledge as spirits. You will have to learn to be humans, in order to deserve to be immortal spirits again. When you get fed up of being human, when you will have learnt enough, then you’ll be welcome back in the immaterial world.” I said “other souls” but maybe it was ourselves who decided this, it was maybe a common decision. So, we got incarnated. But not everyone. Some souls hesitated, letting the others experiencing the human life. Some souls came later. This is why we say there are “old” and “young” souls, but actually I think, as far as we are all immortal, we cannot die, so we have no beginning. But, the ones who were incarnated before are more experienced, and have learnt a lot more than the others who came later. This is why there is this notion of “old” and “young”.

This is why I say that our human body is our “school”. This is the “karma”. And you may easily understand why a person who isn’t ready doesn’t consciously remember her/his spiritual life. And who knows, maybe physical life is somehow addictive for a spirit. Addictive, until the spirit has learnt to quit its physical shape.

An awakened person has the ability to see whatever the opened door reveals to him/her: a past life, a state of mind as a spirit, an aura, a dead person/animal, emotions, and so on. I sometimes let a part of my astral body fly, and he naturally comes into other person's subconscious, and in one second all their life, emotions, feelings get revealed to me. And the “scanned” person feels it. But I choose when it happens; I do it with respect for the person; I just let it happen, without “raping” the mind of the person. Sometimes I let my spiritual eye get wide open, and I can see auras, see etherial movements in the air, like translucent waves… and I remember of some of my former lives, and I remember too when I was a disincarnated spirit.
Sometimes it is painful to “see”, in a small part of a second, just after you have caught someone’s eye or met someone in an elevator, how terrible, how bad, that person is. Or to guess a bad future. This is the negative side of this ability. But I don't regret it.

Just another remark: I don't think this “awakening” is particularly linked with vampirism. One can be awakened without being a vampire. But I get the feeling that most of the awakened people are vampires. So, what is this vampiric nature coming into people who awaken? Am I awakened because of my vampiric nature or am I a vampire because I am awakened?
One always learns. There is something important to learn in this question. Why most of the “Awakened” are vampires?
Do “we” need some sort of another kind of energy in order to be able to use our abilities?
Or is it a kind of contrast, as if a superior force had pointed his finger on us, saying “Okay, you are Aware, your spiritual eyes are wide opened, but here is something that will keep you symbolically linked on Earth and matter: your blood hunger. Some of you will materialize your thirst through blood drinking, some of you will do it through energetic drinking.”
Or does the fact that the “door is opened” give the Thirst?

I have noticed something particular. There are vampires who are not even aware of being vampires, and who are not awakened to the spiritual world. But they are vampires.

So, again this question: why does conscious vampirism and awakening seem linked? It could be linked to the search of something.
Vampires are searching a special - considered taboo - “food” (i.e. blood and energy).
Alchemists are searching for the philosopher's stone.
Esoterics who read the Kabala search for a true interpretation of the Kabala.
And so on.
All of them are awakened (as far as they are all conscious of what they are looking for).
It could be linked to the deepest secrets of the world.
In the blood there is energy. It is considered as a symbol of soul and life. In some legends, the blood of a king spread on the earth gave birth to life.
Finding the philosopher’s stone is not only finding the secret to make gold. It is a symbol: to find the stone, you have to go deep inside the earth, i.e. inside yourself. See, the word V.I.T.R.I.O.L. is a symbol for alchemists. Here is the "real" definition of Vitriol:
"Visita Interioræ Terræ Rectificando et Invenies Occultum Lapidem"
It means “Visit the inside of the Earth and you will find the hidden stone”.
This is, of course, a pictured definition of going inside of one’s "self". The Vitriol is, chemically, a highly concentrated acid, and alchemically this substance "buries" - goes deep inside materia through its definition.
This substance is similar in its chemical and alchemical definition.
And the Kabala gives encrypted clues about the spiritual world(s).
Of course, I mentioned these three cases only, but there are many others. I just wanted to give an example of each kind of clues in this world: the first; the blood is an organic symbol, present everywhere, in every mythology, so it is very important. The second one is a mineral symbol (find the gold and you will find your soul). The third is a symbol in words (remember: the Word generates the Flesh).

In all of this there is a searching for answers, a searching for a buried knowledge. The common point between all of this is the “forbidden”, the taboo - The thirst. In our human society, the knowledge, the deepest one, is something forbidden. It is reserved for some people that are ready to get the knowledge. Everything in the society is here to make the people “sleepy” and unawakened: lies of the politicians, soporific and garbage TV programs, an ambient conformism… the ones who read instead of watching TV are considered strange. The ones who read the Kabala are considered nuts. And so are the “stone-searchers”. And the vampires. Any person who seems to hold and to search the secrets of the earth is considered different, as is to be rejected. Witches in the Late Middle Ages,are a good example of this.

Maybe a vampiric attitude is an avatar of when we were spirits, feeding only from energy, and a craving to be spirits again. Maybe this is why vampires are commonly rejected by non-vampires. You drink blood, you do something forbidden in the collective conscience, and you access to the soul and life energy in the blood.

All of this is not intended to be dogma; just insights and questions. There is no absolute knowledge; just clues to ask the true questions to oneself. I hope this can give clues to others and to myself, in order to get deeper into the mystery of the universe. I learn, you learn, everybody learns always and ever as far as we remain honest, attentive, and open.



Ange de Feu

Geneva, 8th September 2000


Edited, with the permission of the author by:

David Trafford (AKA Everyman)

Stirling, 5th October, 2000